A Christmas Kiss

Every year on Christmas Eve Joe and his family come over for a big meal (ham?*), and we all sit around the table and talk about our memories. It's one of the best times of the year and I fantasize about it when I’m doing something terrible like being at the dentist or cleaning up a fallen cactus. The crew this year (and most years) includes Joe, his sister Kate, his mom Sarah, his life-friend Ben, my sister Alexis, my parents, and Luke. This year Kate’s husband is coming, and so is her baby. Isn’t it crazy that Kate had a baby? It’s like last year she was nine and now she has a baby. It’s like you blink, and then...

Joe Sackett is my oldest friend, and through middle school, I was aggressively in love with him. So this year I’ve pulled out a selection of entries from my 1999 diary that have to do with my love for Joe. There is a great story arc to my love that I think all people who have ever loved will appreciate. Joe ended up being gay, so we are probably not going to get married. But it’s weird (it’s beautiful) how when you love someone enough and for a long enough time you love them forever. Our families will love each other forever. What grace.

* I don’t eat meat and have never eaten meat, so I really don’t know what kind of meat is involved in holiday dinners. I can’t differentiate between the meats.



For some awkward reason, I’ve always loved this show on TV called Flash Forward. It’s about this boy and girl who are, like, besties, and have been *forever*, anyway, they canceled the show, and now it’s just re-runs. I swear I’ve seen every episode and don’t mind seeing them again and again. But Saturday was NOT one I’d seen before, so of course, me and the show were inseparable. This particular episode has got to be my favorite because the two main best buds KISSED. WHY I had wanted to see them do that? And WHY did I LOVE that show!? Because I always thought of the boy as Joe and the girl as me. And that episode is what I want us to be deep down. Something I don’t want to admit because I know it’s my fault we’re not like those two. I know if I could lose 100 pounds I’d be like that girl and worth kissing. Anyway, the Blazers lost the CHAMPIONSHIP today, but Milosevic signed a peace treaty so the the war is OVER.



After school was talent show try-outs and guess who was there? [A line of 30 hearts.] If you guessed Joe, you’re wrong. He has absolutely no talent at all. 



There is some OK news today, and here it is. The OK news has to do with Joe. I’ve been seeing him a lot lately and that’s good. The three totally awesome things that has come from this: 1. He told me I was pretty. 2. He told me if he could have anyone be his twin, he would choose me. 3. He danced with me (I’ve never danced with a guy before). Now the two major bad things that canceled out the beyond-stellar things: 1. He likes my sister more than me. 2. Whenever we’re in a group he’s totally rude and irrational to me, I tried to tell him how I feel about #2, but he just contradicts me and is more rude. I really want to be friends with him, but he’s making it rather impossible. This will work out SOMEHOW. 



It’s mom’s birthday. OK, something wonderful happened tonight. Okay, ready? (One two three.) Joe let me wear his sweater. !!!!!!. Ok want to hear all the details? We were on the beach and I was going, “Yeah let’s go, I’m cold,” and he pulled off his sweater and handed it to me. I was hesitant at putting it on, but I did. I think it looked good on me, and it was soft, and it felt like Joe. Ack!!!! I’d go on, but I’m too happy. 



Dear Diary,

I had a long day. Diary, night and day, all I think about is Joe. I’ve never felt this way before… I don’t know what’s up exactly… it’s just, I think I’m growing up WAY too fast. I’m not supposed to feel like this until I’m ready to get married and diary, trust me, I’m ready to get married, that is how much I LOVE this guy. Today we drove home from the beach… I thought about you-know-who the whole time. It was a nice trip but there was some traffic. We ran into “congestions” as MOM put it. 



My family and I went to dinner at Taylor’s house and GUESS WHAT they invited Joe too. Joe’s so nice now. We had a nice conversation together and (hehe) his voice is changing. I like it. It’s cool. I promise I’ll kiss him someday. Even if I never get married to him, I promise you one day I’ll kiss him.* It will be my first true kiss, and I’ll just love it. I’m so tight with him. I honestly love him. I know I’m driving you crazy, but the next part is very important. I’m going for all new ideas this year. I’m now obsessed with Tinkerbell and Curious George. It used to be Blue’s Clues. I used to wear dark brown lipstick. Now it’s goldish red. I used to wear jeans. Now it’s skirts only. Keep this in mind. I hope this will help Joe love me.



Nothing eventful ever happens. Except Joe. Joe happens. Joe is so great. I love Joe. I talk to him online, Diary. I mean, we really talk. Once he even told me he was glad I was online. He’s the coolest person I know, and I love him. LOVE him. Otherwise there is nothing interesting.



I know you don’t want to hear this, but Joe is wonderful. He’s an all-around nice guy. I go to his house practically every day. He keeps on looking at me head to toe. I think he maybe a little bit is starting to like me romantiacally. Now that I have BOOBS! It started raining today. Thank God, I was beginning to think we’d have a draught [sic]. And guess what Sunday is Halloween and I’m going to be Dr. Evil from the new Austin Powers movie and Lexie is gonna be Mini Me and we choreographed a dance to the theme song too. JOE is going to be there. And his sister Kate who always makes everyone pay attention to her for being the cutest one.



Reading class, reading class, what a story. If you recall, last episode my arch nemises had me join their group to go to some plays. I got switched … to JOE’S group! My my my this certainly is interesting. So I should be ecstatic. I’m not. Everyone knows Joe ignores me in public. He doesn’t want to look “taken.” Now that I’m considering the consequences, I think I may want to be moved back. Hmmm. This WILL work out, I know it. What group is better? One is five penises, one is five vaginas. WHAT IF MR. WORSLEY SWITCHES ME AGAIN? I don’t know. I’ll stay alive. One step at a time … right? WHY? Maybe it’s God’s way. 



Joe made me a Fiona Apple/ Counting Crows tape. I haven’t seen him for three days and I miss his face. I miss his smile. I miss his crooked laugh. I don’t feel romantically toward him. Deep down, I never did! After all these layers of me washed away I realized how much he meant to me and how much a friend he was. How much a kiss wouldn’t change anything. He’s more than a friend. More than a lover. He’s like my angel. Like God gave him to me to watch over me. Anyway back to this tape. He gave it to me and it is a GREAT TAPE. Joe has one spot in his left eyebrow where there is no hair. 



New Years’ was a ball! I have been spending so much time with Joe, it’s been unrealistically unbelievable! I almost wish I could return to the days when I doted upon him, for I would cherish the past week with all my heart. I starred in a silent movie he made (in the last two days) and it caused much touching. Last night he spent the entire evening with me (New Year) and fell asleep by my side around 4:30 a.m. in front of the television. I must make a slight notation that on New Years’ he had bad breath. Probably because of the bread. I drank a bit of champagne, danced a bit, and then went downstairs to watch TV. Joe, Alexis, and Kate joined later, and we fell asleep and woke up around noon and then we did filming again for Joe’s movie. Things are good. 


* In high school, we were in a production of "The Importance of Being Ernest" together; Joe was Algernon and I was Cecily and WE KISSED. Like EIGHT TIMES (because that was how many times we performed the play).

Sophie Lucido JohnsonComment