message to cats.

Hello cats. Thank you for visiting my website. I wish I knew how to make animated gifs so I could entertain you. All I can do, really, is write the word “yarn.” Which I have done for you above.

iTunes App Store Descriptions of Best-Selling Games Following The Discontinuation of Flappy Bird

From the New York Times:

On Feb. 9, the Western world fell into chaos as Flappy Bird, a highly addictive game, was removed from mobile app stores by Dong Nguyen, an independent developer in Vietnam.

Since then, people have scrambled to create clones of Flappy Bird, including Fly Birdie, Flappy Bee, Flappy Plane and Ironpants, to satiate the addictive gaming habits of smartphone owners.

  • Flappy Noodle: Tap on your device to make the noodle flap. Flap to try to avoid obstacles like "being eaten" or "being eaten by a bird" or "being eaten by a dog." Ultimately, flapping is futile, because you are a noodle. Noodles are powerless to do anything. Gamers have lauded Flappy Noodle as "harder than Flappy Bird." Nietzsche scholars have lauded it as "relevant."
  • Dancey Ballerina: Tap on your device to make the ballerina dance. Avoid obstacles like Lindsay, another ballerina who eats less than you do and has a tighter bun. Compete with your friends to win trophies and to get into a small, little-known company. If you are successful, Lindsay will not get in, and your friendship will be ruined. In the Premium version, you don't get to eat dessert. 
  • Bitey Hamster: Tap on your device to make the hamster bite all the children in your son's first grade class. Euthanize the hamster to win a trophy; also, to traumatize your son forever.
  • Flappy Wings: Tap on your device to form a '70s rock band with Paul McCartney and his wife Linda. 
  • Floppy Bird: Tap on your device once to watch the movie "Gigli," just with birds instead of Ben Affleck.
  • Flippant Bird: Tap on your device to make the bird refuse to come to family dinner. When the bird's mother tells the bird that she has made spaghetti and meatballs from scratch -- the bird's favorite -- the bird tells the mother that SHE is a meatball.
  • Flossy Bird: Tap on your device to call your dentist.
  • Flatty Bird: Tap on your device to run over the birds with cars. In a rapidly changing global climate, birds may not retain the ability to fly (too many fossil fuels to breathe, let alone fly), but cars might. Soon every bird on earth will be dead and we'll have to tell our grandchildren about birds the way people talk about dinosaurs these days. We are all doomed. Charming pixel art!

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